If You Cook it, They will Come (begrudgingly).

I am a huge advocate for the family meal. I owe this to the way I was raised. When dinner was ready, everyone gathered and everyone ate together.  Both my husband and I had families with working parents and our moms put dinner on the table daily.  I have no idea to this day how my mom did it, but she did.   In our house we would sit, listen to music, eat and talk about our day.   It wasn't perfect.  There would be fighting over who set and cleared the table and one of my siblings (who shall remain nameless) would conveniently go to the bathroom during clean up.  But it was excellent.  Most of the time we sat around our dining room table - we did have a view of the ocean, which was pretty cool.   There were special occasions where we would we eat in our basement in front of the TV.  We did this for the 1980 Winter Olympics, and to this day I remember the meal - whole barbecued chicken and my mom's homemade macaroni pie - and we  ate as we watched he United States win gold.  I have such fond memories of our dinners growing up and cherish these times with my parents and my siblings.

Fast forward.  From early on my husband and I set the precedent for mealtimes.   No TV at dinner was our main rule (unless it was Olympic hockey or Game 7 of the Stanley Cup).   Once we had cell phones and as our children got older, we had to reinvent some of the rules:  no cell phones or screens of any kind at the table for anyone (including us), no checking texts and no answering calls.  This last rule was amended to no answering phones unless it was a grandparent, only because all the grandparents live far away.  Setting an example for our kids at dinner has been one of the best things we have done.  I am certainly not saying it was perfect, as there were many MANY times where we had to remind  our children to stop checking their phone, or to put their phone down (which did not go over well, but whatever...PUT DOWN THE PHONE).  There are 1440 minutes in the day, and I am asking for 20 minutes.  Less than 2 % of everyone's time.  Sounds reasonable to me.

The kids are older now and it can be amazing what happens at dinner.   Our older one is away at university so the dynamics have changed as it is just the three of us.  Our daughter, though lovely, is seventeen and she misses her brother.  Getting her to come down for dinner on time has been challenging but we still try to do family meals when we can. Today we made a delicious meal, and she came downstairs, begrudgingly, and was not in a very chatty mood.

How was your day? Fine.  
How was your chem test? Fine.  
How was your Spanish presentation? Fine.   

Not a typical family meal!
Christmas Eve at my moms this year

Okay....?  

So we carried on with some quiet small talk. Finally after she ate, out came the animated chatter about her day, her life, her friends.  It is amazing how many times this has happened at our meals and how much we learn sitting around the table.    Meals are more than just about sustenance.  They are social times to be together and can be a safe place to share stories and talk about your day.

Creating mealtime structure is something that we can do and make time for. I know more than anyone that life is busy as our kids play team sports and have social lives with friends.  My best advice is whenever possible, on a regular basis, have family meals.  Eat together, share, laugh and listen.  You will never get a better education than around the dinner table, sharing food (and wine sometimes) with family and friends.