#positivity2017

This week was two years.  Two years since my uncle passed away.  Part of me still thinks he is there, in Toronto, but that we just have not spoken. Then realization sets in and I remember.  I remember the pain, the deepness of my grief.  How can I go on? How can anyone?

Love you everyday that there is...xoxo

A cousin of mine made a video montage of my uncles life, complete with music, pictures, captions.  It was hard to watch it but I just could not stop.  It was over sixty minutes long and while the music, photos and videos caused a cascade of tears from my eyes, it was so very inspiring to see his life this way. Every picture told a story, whether it was about faith and family, or friends and colleagues.  And in every picture, he was smiling ear to ear.  He had an infectious smile that still manages to light up the world even though he is not physically in it.  The past week was filled with so many different emotions it was hard to keep track where one emotion ended and another began.

But I had an epiphany.   Call it whatever you like.  A resolution, an intention (my preferred term)...but I had one.  I guess I have to back up a bit.  For years before my uncles passing, I would see the number 11, whether in my car (where the time is set 7 minutes fast) or in our bedroom (where our alarm clock is set 20 minutes fast).  I would see 11:11, or 1:11 all of the time.  Then, on January 11 at 11:21 am, he was gone.  First, I am convinced he waited for me as he passed away shortly after I arrived at the hospital.  Second, I honestly believe that when I see the number 11, it is him, watching over me, guiding me, helping me....a faith that I have (and have always had) in him.

So fast forward to this week.  I was in my car, feeling.....for lack of a better word, I was feeling great. I had emailed my husband some ideas I had about the kids, our finances and about organizing our house (a never ending task).  I proposed a January challenge for our finances (i.e., spend as little as possible this month and see how much we can save). I started my email to him with "I am feeling physically and mentally better today...." and ended it with "love you...just wanted to share this positivity with you as I know my uncle would be proud".  

My epiphany....postivity.  Totally not earth shattering, but for me, it is.  If you talk to just about anybody and ask them about me...they will most likely tell you that I am a super-fun and positive person.  Not saying that I am the cats meow, but this is what they would say!  What I find most interesting is if you ask my kids this question or even my husband, they may not fully agree.  Why is it that my friends and coworkers get positive and funny Sherene, and then at home, my family is subjected to this....other persona.  This past week my kids and my husband had a very emotionally charged and unstable version of me that I did not like.  I have to say that so far #positivity2017 has been truly an epic fail!  Arguments with my husband and kids, tears (my own) lashing out at everyone, feeling like a victim.  Then he wisely said..."there is nowhere to go but up from here Sherene."  And he was right.

Oh...a-hem...just as an aside, please check out his new blog on positivity that he started immediately after I shared my epiphany with him!
www.losingmyelectron.blogspot.ca   Remember.  He is an ENGINEER.    Love you Kelly.

Ok...back to me.

What would it be like if I were truly more positive in my home life?  I am not saying I can be Mary Poppins (though this would be tres cool as I do love that carpet bag!).   But if I could try and be more positive with my kids, with my family....what would the result be?   How does that even work to be more positive?

Maybe it starts with really thinking about what makes me happy.  My blessings. What am I grateful for?  Hard to remember these in the heat of anger and emotional outbursts.

But this is my quest.  

This is my intention. 

To be more positive.  

To be grateful.  

To show this to my kids and my husband.

To feel this in my heart. 

#positivity2017


And even as I finish this blog...my computer screen time says 11:11.  Honest.



A few pictures to start of my #positivity2017 journey

Love my chalkboard and my wine.  Lots of corks there....

Kids sent me to Florida in December for 4 days to see my family and get some sun.  As we were staying in Calgary for Christmas, they knew I would miss my family so this was their gift to me.  So sweet!  They did say that it was the thought that counts, so "do we have to actually pay for the trip dad?".  Ah well....it was thoughtful and an amazing four days!

We are truly blessed! Our Christmas 2016 picture

Lulu! Love her so much!